The Shadow World

Last night I had one of those dreams where there is a whole other world adjacent to ours and connected by a doorway that doesn’t exist when I am awake.

In the first such dream, I was in a public building, something like the Gardner Museum with a central courtyard. Off the courtyard, on the second floor, was an exhibit room that had on one side a hip roof. On the straight lower wall under the sloping roof was a small door, as into an attic crawl space. I opened the door to find a homey, bright, comfortable apartment. I remember open windows with sheer curtains blowing in the late spring breeze. My father lived there.

My father, who has been dead now for twenty years.

A few years later, I dreamed myself into a department store in Montreal. In the housewares department, along an interior wall, was a door that blended so perfectly into the wall that no one would notice it was there. You had to feel its edges with your fingers. You had to know where to touch to find the catch. The manager showed me and Dan in. Behind the door was a sophisticated urban apartment, loft-style, with exposed brick walls and a high-tech open kitchen. It was my father’s, but he wasn’t there at the moment. Some day it would be mine.

My dead father.

And now this. Off the entry hallway of our friends’ house, to the left, where, in waking life there is a window that looks out, in the dream is a doorway. In waking life, beyond the window is the outside yard. In the dream is a room that had been the master bedroom, but our friends had remodeled the house and were eager to show us that they had built an entirely new guest suite there. What had been the old bedroom was a living room; the old bathroom was still there, but they had added on a new guest master bedroom and bath. All the rooms were new and clean and bright and inviting.

Dan and I would be staying there.

My mother had a dream about a month ago that was …

My mother had a dream about a month ago that was so vivid she can’t get it off her mind. She mentioned it again to me today. She called me especially to tell me about it the day she had it, and her telling of it was so vivid that I can’t get it off my mind either. But for a different reason.

My mother is 87 years old. She has now lived longer than both her parents and all three of her older siblings. (Her younger sister is not yet 80.) She is in good health, lucid, and has more energy than most people her age. Looking at her, you would never guess that she is as old as she is, and, though I know this won’t go on forever, I like to think she has a good chance of breaking 100.

But about a month ago my mother had this dream. In the dream, she came upon a lot of people she didn’t know who had all gathered for some sort of celebration. Everyone was very happy. Mom asked what the occasion was, and they said it was the opening of a Howard Luggage store. Howard Luggage is the store that her father (dead now) started and passed on to my mother’s brother Sidney (dead now). Uncle Sidney built it up and intended to pass it on to my cousin Marvin, who would have been about ten years my senior, but he died maybe forty years ago under tragic circumstances. My cousin Steve now runs the store.

In the dream, my mother was happy to find out that the celebration had to do with this store that has been in the family for so long. She decided to go inside.

She went through the doorway.

It was at about this point in the story that I started crying. Fortunately, we were talking on the telephone, so I didn’t have to upset my mother’s happy mood, but I cried through the entire rest of the tale. To me, going through that doorway sounded a lot like dying. I tried to be glad that she saw it as a happy event.

Inside the store, my mother related, “Guess who I saw?” I thought, “Your father,” but I said, “Who?” “Your cousin Marvin!” my mother announced happily, “and I went right up to him and hugged him. He told me he was doing really well and was very happy.” My mother was very moved by this dream because she had never dreamed of Marvin before, not close up like this. Not touching. My mom woke from the dream feeling that it was more vivid than life, and she felt very happy about it.

I think that she was beginning to explore the new terrain on the other side of dying by contacting the people who had gone on ahead. I can’t get it out of my mind that, in this one dream at least, she has crossed over the threshold.

The Week of Memorable Dreams

This must be the Week of Memorable Dreams.

First Adam had a mystical Jewish spiritual mysterious revelational knockout and then I woke up with half a poem (alas, the last half) all finished in my mind. Here is an approximation of the poem. I had to reconstruct the first half, and it’s not as good as the ending, but I think it does okay in setting the ending up the right way.

The sun, the stars, the planets call, and still all of them fly.
While trees’ leaves drop to earth in fall, their branches reach toward sky.
To all things God allows no rest, and so do thou and I.
I see the love that moves thy breast, the darkness in thine eye.