What I like about my arborist

I have hired an arborist to trim some branches that overhang my back yard and shade it too much. Here is his proposal, in its entirety, written on the back of a business card:

arborist proposal 2009-Jun-01

This is, for readers who are not familiar with my back yard, a perfectly clear description of exactly which limbs to remove from exactly which trees to give my garden a bit more sunlight. And how much he will charge for this work. So now I am confident that my arborist knows what needs to be done; and three weeks from now when he shows up, he will look at this and remember.

I really like this arborist. Here are some of the things I like about him.

I know that the trees I want trimmed are oak trees. But he knows that they are *white* oaks.

He loves a beautiful tree. Every arborist that came to give me an estimate looked at the old American elm tree by my driveway (indicated in my arborist’s proposal by the small semicircle near the bottom center) with unabashed admiration, and my arborist is no exception.

He likes making a beautiful tree even more beautiful. “You see those dead branches there?” My arborist points to a spot above the branch he is to remove. “While I’m up thereI could take those out. And look; there are some dead branches on the tree over there, too.” He indicates another tree. “Would you like those out?”

I’ve never seen any of these dead branches before. While I am still trying to adjust to a job that may cost more than I want to spend, he apologizes. “I’m always noticing dead branches,” he says.

“No,” I decide. “Leave all that. Just take out the branches we’ve talked about.”

Surprisingly, the arborist is relieved. “Thank you,” he says. “This was starting to look like a really big job.”

I like watching him think about how he is going to do the work. “We’ll have to string a cable here, and one over there. I can use that to get to that branch over there. And then, maybe…” I envision men flying by cables across my back yard. Tarzans of the ‘burbs. This job looks like it will be fun.

And this is what I like most of all: My arborist appreciates the small things about trees. “I saw a hummingbird the other day,” he tells me. He’d been doing some work near the Charles River.  “He’d swoop down under the bridge that was nearby–or maybe it was a she–and get a spider web, and she was weaving it into a nest all the way at the very end of a branch. It was a tiny little nest, no bigger than this.” He makes a circle of his thumb and forefinger.

There is something really wonderful about a man who appreciates the hummingbirds.

Poison

While research poisons for a story I’m writing, I have discovered that the aconitum I planted in my garden last year (and that has come back so nicely this year) is none other than the famous poison monkshood, or wolfsbane. It is a potent neurotoxin that produces numbness, paralysis, and (yes) death. All parts of the plant are poisonous.

But never fear. Yesterday, right next to the aconitum, I planted foxglove. Foxglove is the source of digitalis, itself a deadly poison. But digitalis is fortunately also an antidote for aconitine.

What luck!

Boring weather, San Francisco style

There’s hardly anything I can add to this, except that I hope the folks up in Boston enjoy their heat wave…

Tonight

Patchy Fog
Patchy
Fog
Lo 50 °F
Thursday

Patchy Fog
Patchy
Fog
Hi 65 °F
Thursday
Night

Patchy Fog
Patchy
Fog
Lo 50 °F
Friday

Patchy Fog
Patchy
Fog
Hi 62 °F
Friday
Night

Patchy Fog
Patchy
Fog
Lo 50 °F
Saturday

Patchy Fog
Patchy
Fog
Hi 65 °F
Saturday
Night

Patchy Fog
Patchy
Fog
Lo 51 °F

Deer oh deer

It’s spring, and the hosta have come up all over the garden. This is good news, not only because it means the weather is warmer and the garden is prettier, but also and more to the point: The deer did not manage to kill off all my hosta when they clipped them down to bare stalks last fall. 

Even the expensive designer blue, cream, gold, dark green, and chartreuse hostas in mix-and-match stripes and leaf-margins are back. Given the amount of shade here, the leaf-patterns of these hostas are an important part of the garden: The shy and retiring Allan P. McConnell, Aristocrat, flamboyant little Feather Boa, Grand Tiara, Great Expectations, June, Touch of Class, and the hard-to-find Venus, with unprepossessing green leaves and marvelously large and fragrant flowers in August. There are also lovely swathes of narrow-leafed and wide-leafed green hostas and twisty green-and-white-leafed hostas that are legacy plants from the previous owner and that we have propagated across the garden over the years.

So now, my job, as I see it, is to make sure that the deer don’t get these hosta again. 

Last weekend we went to Lowe’s, and I bought two different types of deer repellents. I installed the one and sprayed on the other. Yesterday, I did some research on the Internet to see what else I might do. I found that there are many products on the market, including those that smell bad to deer, those that taste bad to deer (don’t use these on your vegetable gardens, though), and both. My favorite of these is a substance called “Milorganite”, which is made from Milwaukee sewage. Really! And–it’s organic!

There are also many recipes for deer repellent that can be made right at home from readily available (or, well, obtainable) ingredients. These range from eggs to liquid detergent to hot peppers to garlic to hair clippings to urine (don’t ask). 

But of all the recipes posted by helpful people on various Web sites, my absolute favorite is from Hanxter at www.deer-departed.com. Please click through and read it! Even if you don’t have a deer problem! This may not be the most effective solution to the deer problem, but hey — turnabout is fair play.

I wonder if they have a hunting season in Newton.

Mom’s 90th birthday

This month was my mom’s birthday–her 90th. We had a memorable party attended by all her relatives and several friends that live nearby. Dan and I were the hosts, but Mom worked hard herself to prepare several of the items on the menu, and she came over early to help set up. Before all the guests arrived, Dan and I presented her with a gift in honor of this special birthday–a trip she’s always been hoping to take. Her response was pure delight:

“That’s what I like about life: wonderful things are always happening!”

That’s what I like about you too, Mom. You are a “wonderful thing” in my life!

Cruelty to Animals

I try, I really do, but for the life of me, I cannot understand how some of the people I know who make the biggest protestations about loving animals and hating to see them suffer can eat meat. And not just any meat, but the meat processed in industrial slaughterhouses, where the animals are kept in small pens as they wait for their turn to become a raw material. Where, my friends, do you think that chicken parmesan comes from? That juicy hamburger? That sanitized styrofoam tray of meat in the supermarket?

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying people shouldn’t eat meat. But in this country we vote with our money. Let’s eat the meat from farms where we know that the animals are treated humanely and live in a way fairly normal for their species up until when they die for our steak dinner. Or let’s not hear any more of your whining about the “poor animals”.

Wendell Berry said it better than I can:

“Eating with the fullest pleasure–pleasure, that is, that does not depend on ignorance–is perhaps the profoundest enactment of our connection with the world. In this pleasure we experience and celebrate our dependence and our gratitude, for we are living from mystery, from creatures we did not make and powers we cannot comprehend.”

Usenix 1985

I didn’t get it right when I told this tale the other day, but it’s all coming back to me now.

The events in this story occurred in the winter of 1985 at the Usenix Conference in Dallas, Texas. I was working for a company in Cambridge, MA called Mirror Systems (a wholly owned subsidiary of the Times Mirror Corporation, a major publishing conglomerate). I was the Vice President of Technical Development. Our IS group, under my management, comprised two people: our operations manager and our systems programmer. We used the UNIX operating system, and so the Usenix conference was an important event to these people and to some of the developers as well. The company sent perhaps eight people to the conference. I went too. I went because as manager of a UNIX shop, I felt the need to know as much as I could about the technical environment.

Now, like many subsidiaries of major corporations, Mirror Systems, despite its small size, was subject to intense financial controls by the parent company. And like many technically oriented companies, especially in Cambridge, its internal culture resisted such control. The people who attended the Usenix conference were among the most technical of our staff and therefore in general were among the most resistant to the financial bureaucracy our parent company imposed. And among the technical staff, none was more resistant than our systems programmer Franklin, Unix wizard extraordinaire.

Mirror Systems employees were subject to limits imposed by the parent corporation on how much we could expense for a breakfast, lunch, or dinner. And expenses over a certain amount (perhaps $25) had to be accompanied by a receipt. Wanting to have one dinner at a particularly good (and expensive) restaurant in Dallas, those of us traveling to the conference agreed that we’d skimp on dinner expenses for the rest of the conference in order to afford this one splurge of a meal.

Eight of us were present for dinner. The meal was great. The wine was excellent. When the bill came, Franklin picked up the tab and put it on his credit card. This surprised me—he wasn’t much of one for dealing with finances—but he assured me he wanted to do it.

When Franklin’s expense report crossed my desk the following week, I saw at once the amusing pattern that had prompted his eagerness to pick up the check. For the entire duration of the conference, he had expensed only $5 for each meal—probably less than he had actually spent. There were no accompanying receipts for these expenses, none being required. And for the one dinner, he had expensed the entire tab for a meal for eight at a pricy restaurant—perhaps $600. It made me laugh. I approved the expense report and submitted it to our comptroller for processing.

The next day, the president of the company called me into his office. The comptroller was there. He looked very upset, and the president no less so. “What is the meaning of this expense report?” asked the president.

“I know it’s a lot for one dinner,” I explained, “but there were eight of us there. See, Franklin has listed the attendees. We all ate very inexpensively all week long so that we could have this one meal. Look at all the expense reports, and you’ll see.”

“That’s not the problem,” said the comptroller. “I can’t submit this to corporate.”

“But why not?”

“This will stand out like a police car with its lights on. If we submit something like this, we’ll get audited for sure. And that will be more work for me than you can imagine.”

“Why would they audit us? The expense report is legitimate. If anything, Franklin has cheated only himself by understating the amounts he actually spent on meals.”

“That’s exactly the problem! Who spends exactly $5.00 on every meal, all week long? It looks too suspicious. You have to tell him to vary the amounts.”

“You mean, submitting $600.00 for one meal is okay; it’s the $5.00 meals that are the problem? And if he submits some meals for $5.00, some for $6.50, some for $8.95, that would be okay, even though it would cost the company more?”

 “Yes!” Relief shone on the comptroller’s face.

And so I had to tell Franklin that the pattern was really beautiful, but that we needed random numbers here. And so it was done.

And no, we didn’t get audited.

What they’re up to these days in Palm Beach

Oh, those trendy people over in Palm Beach. What new and unusual activities will they think of to fill their empty hours now that the Madoff scandal is old news? Apparently, it’s… feral cats. Or, to be more precise, fighting over feral cats. You’d think that two groups that both claim to want to help the poor animals might be able to cooperate, wouldn’t you? Or, as with squabbling children, we could separate them: PB Cats, you take everything south of Royal Palm Way; Island Cats, you stay to the north. But no, we are going to settle this catfight in the good, old-fashioned, tried-and-true American Way: by going to court.

Riviera Shores, Florida

You will not find Riviera Shores, Florida on any map. I know. I looked. But the place is there all the same. It must be real; there’s even a sign.

One has to wonder about this sign. Did the neighbors agree to it collectively, or is it the gift of one household to its community? Was it created in a spirit of neighborly love? Or resentment against the allegedly corrupt government of the City of Riviera Beach from which it cannot escape? Or in sheer whimsy?

There are other peculiar things about the community of Riviera Shores:

Directional signs are confusing. 

And residents have a noticeable proclivity toward imaginative mailboxes.

All images from Riviera Beach & Lake Park, Florida